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PS new afi is good. [Jun. 8th, 2006|09:35 pm]
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[music |AFI]

Went to my meeting.

Told me my boobs were too big and my little bittle ass was too big.

Phhfff fuck it.

I aint changing shit.

I am who I am And I'll do what I do.

I wont conform to an antifeminist fashion statement.

They brought up plastic surgery.

Like Id insult God or myself to the point of taking away something so beatuiful.

Not all beauty is understood.

They like my look and my walk and things are still going.

But its a fly in the sugar for me.

I knew we were getting around to this conversation cus its alwasy on the tip of there tounge.

Haha as absured as it is to say here it goes Were Women were hot we have breasts we have curves Deal with it!

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(no subject) [May. 20th, 2006|07:37 pm]
[mood |disappointeddisappointed]
[music |Pixies]


I want a family.
I want to be a moma.
I want the one.
I want to be happy.
And I imagin those are the only things in life that do make you happy.
But I dont have them.
I try to fool myself offten.
That this is what I have to do
This will make a diffrence
I just feel so empty when I come home or when Im out.
Dont get me wrong I want my buisness.
I guess Its because I dont have anything else to hold on to pretty much.
I want more love.
I wanna love more.

I wonder sometimes why. Why I should do anything when I dont have anything motivating me. Often times, I feel like Im running on empty. Maybe there will be a day I feel happy and energetic and furfilled. But for right now, I dont. I dont know If I ever will.

Is that all there is?
Is that all there is?
Well if thats all there is,
Then break out the booze and lets keep on dancing.
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(no subject) [Apr. 27th, 2006|05:23 pm]
[mood |aggravatedRepulsed]
[music |Foo fighters]

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Baby deers are cute. [Apr. 23rd, 2006|06:42 pm]
[mood |anxiousanxious]
[music |Everlong-foo fighters]

I fit into a size 0 today. Pretty Fing sweet my friend.
I really don't like shopping. No, as a matter of fact I REALLY DONT LIKE SHOPPING. The whole mall thing is annoying. Had to go though get professional looking stuff. ha I try. Black clothes....good times.
Saw my Dannie today. :)
Been too long my friend been too long.

I need to drink more water.
And less alcohol
But I want alcohol more then I want water... Even though the need is vice versa.
Not that I drink offten.
I usually drink when im depressed and alone.
I don't like drinking with people for the most part.
I need more love
And less hate
More positive....Thats what I need.
But it scares me.
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(no subject) [Apr. 2nd, 2006|02:50 pm]
[mood |disappointeddisappointed]
[music |HIM]

Fuck everything.
I hate everything
and i like being bitchy
I fucking hate everything
fuck it all.
Fuck everything.
I wish there was something to trust in the world.
I wish Good things will happen to me
Im so tired
Im tired of being tired.
Im turning into a cold bastard
Or maybe i just think i am.
I dont know whats happening to me
I just dont like anything anymore
I hate being dissapointed.
I want to be happy.
But i dont want to fake it
So here I am miserable
but at least its honest.

Im not touching whiskey agian. Ew I feel like shit. It doesnt make me any happier.
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Shes young shes dumb shes easy. Isnt that what you think? [Mar. 26th, 2006|12:05 pm]
[mood |lonelyHeartbroken]
[music |Im livin on shattard faith.]

Well you were wrong Im a JERK OFF! I wanna take a little trip to a mental hospital. And just sit in a padded room in a straight jacket. With an itch I cant stcratch on my back and then maybe when get out of it and I can scratch my back ill be greatfull. And then i can trow myself into the walls And fly to the ground. And then...... Who knows. Well I love you baby. I mean it more then just the whole world.
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Gaze, lie and smirk in time, your arrogance will suit you well [Mar. 24th, 2006|02:59 pm]
[mood |thirstythirsty]
[music |A fire inside]

I have a headache. Owwwwie!
Almost done my book exciting.
I dont really wanna do anything though.
Its not that important to me but i have to trick myself into thinking it is cus its all i have.
ehhhh I rally cant trick myself into anything but at least im doing what i need to do.
I miss my friends sometimes.
Oh well. I had to get shit done eventually so....tada.
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(no subject) [Mar. 17th, 2006|09:53 pm]

In and out.

I want a smoke.
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With your feet in the air and your head on the ground. [Mar. 14th, 2006|05:40 pm]
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |Pixies]

Im upside down.
I sabitoge myself
I Run away
But i want you to follow
I hide away
But someone please find me
I escape
Way out there
But so far deep in here
Cant you see me?
Im afraid of sucsess
Im afriad of failure.
Im a contridiction
Moving in all directions at once.
So tell me if you see one half of me
Or just a fragment
Ill try to come togethr for a second for you
Snap the shot
I cant hold this for long.
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Do you think you can tell heaven from hell [Mar. 13th, 2006|12:08 am]
[music |pink floyd]

Ive felt everything i had
Slip threw my fingers
And im sick of the same old rat race to no where
I dont know
I cant believe in anymore then this
Someimes I just want to be intoxicated all the time
to numb myself to the loss
Of everyday life.
of everyday lies
Of all the bull shit
I cant take it
And im condemend for the person i am.
When everyone takes away my chances for happyness.
cus my idea of happyness doesnt quite fix theres.
BE happy you took that away from me.
Maybe youll remember how much it hurt when you look back
when theres no going back
Maybe then youll see maybe then youll see what i cant ever say.

theres no one there when your down
Only the highs and in betweens.
thats all they want to stay for
well the curtin has fallen
the show is over
And i lost my only friend
the show doesnt have anything left to offer them anymore
maybe i wanted to believe they wanted to see me
instead of the bright burning lights
i stood on that stage as long as i could
just to watch those lights shine threw me
on to someone else
now i walk
Go on
Walk right threw me.
I expected it was them
but never you

Learn to let go those you love the most.
Nothing lasts forever my friend.
And this sure feels like the end.
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