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(no subject) [Mar. 12th, 2006|01:15 pm]
Dismantled
I got to remember to stop bitching and be greatful for every second I have that things arnt horriable.
I need to be more positive instead of wollowing in self pity.
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(no subject) [Mar. 12th, 2006|11:31 am]
Dismantled
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |Nothing yet but im about to put something on.]

I got pretty loaded last night. I said things to people and i shouldnt ever had said anything.
I dont even remember what i said last night. 
theres like chunks of time missing. 
And no i wont do it agian
haha alright that was probably a lie but not for a a while/ It makes me fat anyway.
I look mad skinny now but i still need to work out more.

Got some pictures done.
My interview is wednesday
Im scared.
but i have no choice.
I gotta.

Ps betty Page is mad hot.

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Why are you so far away she said [Mar. 11th, 2006|10:20 pm]
Dismantled
[mood |draineddrained]
[music |Just like heaven]

Theres no one I can REALLY talk to anymoce.
I cant really breath right now
But i want a smoke
since i already have this drink next to me
The only thing i can count on being there for me lately is that.

Stressful day
I want a hot bath with candels and a glass of wine.
I want to get away.
I want an escape
Oh theres that pisces in me i guess.
I wanna 
My God i dont know.
I guess Only God knows what I need.
I just want to feel whole again.
Im so unhappy.
and despritly searching for something to make sense.
Something to find, something good to find me.
I just want something to be good. 
I dont even care if its a lie.
I guess I want to believe anything now.

Maybe that was my downfall all along.
I tried to believe the best, In everything in every situation and person
Even when I knew it was a lie.
When I thought it could be bad for me.
Im a fool.
I get the point.

But hey, You never loved me anyway.

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(no subject) [Mar. 10th, 2006|12:28 am]
Dismantled
Fuck I just rememberd SAINT PATTYS DAY IS NEXT WEEK!
haha Im so making irish potatos.
I wanted to have a party
but i say that every year and never do.
But i do wanna....
cus Im part irish.
But fuck everyone is on st pattys day.
I live not to far from this irish pub and you can hear it from like miles away there so loud every st pattys day. Its awesome.

Hey it your posting comments on my page and wondering why there not showing up its my computer is a son of a bitch and it wont unscreen comments. Sorry. I still get them though I still see them.
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(no subject) [Mar. 10th, 2006|12:11 am]
Dismantled
[mood |hungryhungry]

So the other night i was sitting up late Pissed off.
And I got the erdge just to go to the beach and sit there possiably with a big bottol of jack or something just stairing into outerspace.
Then i realized it was jersey and pretty Fing far and would probably be morning by the time i got there.
But its inspired me to take a trip to the observatory. Theres one in philly and theres like all those places you can go to explore space and crap.
I want to sit there and stair and figure shit out.
2 people I know are pregnant....And yes, It does make me go why arnt I? Wheres my fucking baby.
I mean, I want to adopt kids. but not even now....but when is it going to happen to me.
Maybe Im rushing. Early 20s are suposed to be light hearted times but I dont know...Thers a big part of me that wants that family crap.
Im getting tired of the shit me and my friends do.



I want something more forfilling.


Anyway. The circus is comming to town and me writting this is a reminder to myself and anyone else that reads this. For me its to protest and if you read this its for you not to go. Its really REALLY sad how those animals get treated. Maybe you think Im a phyco animal activist...maybe so. But Do some reaserch and youll find out.

My kitty had to go the vet last night. It sucks I cant stand when there sick cus i cant imagin not being able to bitch and complain about it. Poor animals.
I miss Danielle.
Were all going out for breakfast at this really adoriable bakary early in the morning. But i think Im gonna push it back since i really dont feel like being all in my skivvys and taking pictures when i just ate like cheese cake or something.I got sick so all theshit i had to do this week turned into shit i have to do this week end. I love goin out with dan haha shes cute every two seconds shes trying to set me up with someone else.But I miss her so much i havent seen her since december, I dont know why we dont see each other anymore. Our scheduals dont go well. But I love her and she really suports me even though I dont see all the time shes always there. She makes me feel more then most other people do. She actually gets me. Except the relationship thing. She wants everyone with someone.But it comes from love.

I was suposed to go out to lunch with Felicia and Nora too but i got sick and didnt feel like it so theres another thing I have to do.
Oh yeah me and Bernzie Might be going to socket. I might wanna go this week end if shes feeling up to it.
I have to hang out with sean to he called me and i feel like a bitch. so i gota make it up to him. I havent seen him in a while. haha the kid has skills too he fixed my piece of crap guitar and it works perfectly now. That guitar is bad ass.


I have my scary scary interview on wednesday........
Its been like months leading up to this.
Its scary not knowing.
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Nothings changed I still love you. [Mar. 8th, 2006|01:27 pm]
Dismantled
[music |The smiths-stop me]

Busy but sick so that kind of stops me in my tracks.
but whast doesnt.
I need to be tougher then I am. I need
I keep working out even thoug im sick.
Its all i got to hold on to anymore.
Its the only thing i can actually do anything about/
its the only thing I see i have an effect on.
The harder i try the more the results.
Its fabulous.
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(no subject) [Mar. 6th, 2006|04:44 pm]
Dismantled
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |Pictures of you.]

The dancing balarina Coved in snow
safe inside her globe
Why cant life be more like you.
Always beautiful.
No cruelity
No one to touch you
To take any of that beauty away.
I envy you in so many ways.
The way I cant shut out the world and dance in everything that is beautiful.
Im drowning in the air taht surounds me.
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Her heart beats louder and glows brigher. [Mar. 5th, 2006|10:04 pm]
Dismantled
[mood |crankycranky]
[music |The cure-love song]

My poor Danille has a broken heart.
I want to mend.
I cant stand when shes sad.
I feel sad when shes sad. I want her to be happy. I want good things for her.
I think people underestimate how much she gives her whole heart how deeply she feels thing how much she really feels is way more then anyone could ever show.
I want her to be happy.
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I could have it all if only you were here Wed rent a little world and have a little girl [Mar. 5th, 2006|01:02 pm]
Dismantled
[mood |thankfulthankful]
[music |Dont know the name of this song check subject for lyrics]

Trying to get shit done today.
Had a great day yesterday.
Had alot of fun.
Met Very good people.
Anyone thats been messaging me or emailing I take a while to get back im sorry..Like this hair 
Photos today or at least attempting.
We will see how that goes.
If there good I will post em.
Im doing really rad ones with a mohawk like that pic with black paint smired all over me. its gonna be really intresting to seehow ti turns out.
I need to actually eat. I havent eaten a real meal in what feels like forever like 3 days now. So im off to do that.
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(no subject) [Mar. 2nd, 2006|04:19 pm]
Dismantled
My dad is in surgery today. Or had it i dont know he left this morning and I dont know if hes out yet or not. I hope hes alright.
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